Kiss Kiss: An Ode to America by Krys Jagger

America: arguably the best country in the world. We are free to do what we want, within the reasonable restrictions of the law, at any old time, during regular hours of operation at our neighborhood super-chain retailer. It is land of endless possibilities: The American Dream lives somewhere between American Idol, and American Idiot, and we are all in search of its plentiful riches.

You can opt for “The Big Apple,” New York City, the sins of Las Vegas, or the perpetual celebrity haven, Hollywood. We are free to vote for anyone we think is best, even if we know our candidate is doomed to fail in some public hell-spiral, and we stand behind them.

We pay four dollars for our coffee, fifteen dollars for mixed greens, three dollars a gallon at the gas pump, and we don’t mind a bit. Just don’t tell us the truth about those weapons of mass destruction, Halliburton, or the real reason the United Arab Emirates may take over our sea-ports - because we love fun; reality television, fast cars, McDonalds, free money, large-scale sporting events, prescription drugs, Big-Oil, Texas Hold ‘em, and those Desperate Housewives. Dr. Phil is our shrink, Taco Bell is culture-food, the mall gives us exercise, and Oprah is God.

Don’t tell us the bad news - don’t tell us there was no connection between Hussein and Al Qaeda, that the war is one of revenge for W’s Daddy, and Bush very well may have his hand in Arab oil, that are gays getting married in some parts of the United States, or that the food we’ve been eating has made us fat - that would just upset us.

Just keep the decadence rolling, and America will ride in the wake, taking no prisoners, with the satellite-radio turned up in our SUV’s, cell phone firmly planted in hand, shouting at the drive through window. “Super-size it?” Why not  this is America after all.

Krys Jagger