Exclusive: Bat Boy Salinas’ Most Eligible Bachelor!

 

Salinas, California (Weekly World News)

Dan Tarker, Senior Correspondent

 

Last month, an ad in the Personals section of several Monterey County papers incited a great deal of conversation among the residents of this Central California agricultural town about their newest neighbor, the infamous Bat Boy (or Edgar as he prefers to be called).   

 

SM Human/Bat hybrid with great sense of humor seeking sensitive, fun-loving SF who enjoys taking moonlight strolls, spelunking into subterranean caves, and eating raw meat (preferably red) by candlelight. Me: Your very own Quasimodo. You: My very own Esmeralda. Transgressive romance almost certain.

 

Since moving to “The Salad Bowl of the World” earlier this year, sources tell us that Edgar has desperately tried to bring some normalcy to his life. He’s enrolled in college, found a job a Starbucks, and now appears to be searching for a girlfriend. 

 

Yet, if the comments of Bruce Palmer, a retired Monterey County Sheriff, are any indication, Edgar’s quest for companionship will not be easy.  “If I learned one thing in all my years in law enforcement,” says Palmer, “people with pointy ears and razor sharp fangs always spell trouble. I’d take a shotgun to that kid before I’d let him take my daughter out.”

 

According to Donna Federico, an actor at The Western Stage in Salinas, where they are producing Bat Boy the Musical in honor of their newest celebrity resident, there is not a lot of difference between what Edgar now faces in Salinas and what the play depicts when he was first discovered in a cave in Hope Falls, West Virginia. “I think it’s natural for people to be afraid when a person looks a little bit funny.”

 

Federico compares Bat Boy’s plight to that of other notable creatures like Frankenstein and the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. Yet, she is hopeful that someone will respond to Edgar’s ad. “Once they get past that eating small animals habit of his, they’ll find him to be an absolute sweetheart.”

 

A Bat Boy romance would not be unprecedented. During the height of his fame, when Bat Boy the Musical was selling out houses in Los Angeles, New York and London, Edgar was romantically linked to the likes of Lisa Marie Pressley, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jennifer Lopez. “Those days were awful for Edgar,” says his friend and confidant, Jeff Heyer. “Between the drugs and the marriages and the paparazzi, the man could get no peace.”

 

According to reliable sources, it was Bat Boy playwright Keythe Farley who recommended Edgar move to Salinas. Farley had worked as an actor at The Western Stage in the mid ‘80s, and told Edgar the town’s quiet community would be the perfect place to get his head together.

 

Yet, wherever he goes, Edgar always proves to be a controversial figure. Some members of this community have already formed a Minuteman group to patrol the neighborhood where Edgar lives and ensure that he does not steal anyone’s pet or, worse, date anybody’s daughter.

 

Bat Boy co-director Jeff McGrath thinks this development is unfortunate. According to him, there is a line in the play that says everyone has a Bat Boy inside them. “We shouldn’t be terrorizing this kid,” he says. “We should be rooting for him. If he can get a girlfriend, then, I guarantee, anyone can.”

 

Who knows? Perhaps Salinas will be the place where Bat Boy finds his true love. Let us just hope this romance fares better than the one in Hope Falls.